The Death Of Techno
Creating a series of toys often turns out to be a losing proposition.
It's easy to think that director Michael Bay got lucky with the first Transformers movie because it was so much fun for the kids and haunted their parents. What if the cool Volkswagen was actually a robotic hero, and the evil alien was just a cell phone? With the advent of artificial intelligence, this last topic seems scarier than ever.
If the first film reminded Bay and his co-stars how fun it is to play with toy robots, then his later films in the series reminded me of what happens when we get too big for our toys. Almost all of the members followed Hasbro's lead, and it looked pretty boring.
Steven Caple Jr. (Creed 2) is equally unenthusiastic about this new mission, and the five writers mentioned (that's right, five) didn't give him or us any new human or cyborg characters to love, love or hate. . .
As with previous films, the daytime fights between the Autobots and their antagonists are loud, furious, and hard to watch. When one piece of metal is superior to another, it's hard to see because no one actually dies. The characters are so detailed that the emotional investment comes through. It's like being in a demolition race when the car is scrapped.
Stocks don't go up or down. It just stays at the same breathtaking pace.
Of course, a new breed of evil robots called Predacons worship a god who wants to eat the universe like Pac-Man. Their leader, Scourge (Peter Dinklage), is trying to find a clue that will help him in this task.
The second group of cyborgs, called the Maximals, have parts of the key hidden in the ground, which sounds rather silly even from a human point of view.
Autobot leader Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen, who has voiced the role for decades) tries to help expel the Predacons, hoping the key will help his tribe return to their home planet. Somehow, the veteran (Anthony Ramos, "Hamilton") and the art critic (Dominic Fishbeck, "Judas and the Black Messiah") fit the story, but both seem too qualified to play supporting roles in the toys.
On the other hand, using familiar performers like Dinklage, Michelle Yeoh and Ron Perlman seems counterproductive when their voices are drowned out by the electronics. Why choose an Oscar winner like Yo if you can't hear his words or see his face? It was a crazy trend in previous films, and now it seems even more stupid.
It also prevents artists from personalizing new bots. It was fun to guess what quote might be coming out of Bumblebee's speakers. Now it shows clips from the best films and reminds viewers that they can watch the best films right now.
Hasbro has the audacity to include a second toy line at the end of this story without even realizing that their sales are down here. It was easy to imagine that watching 6-year-olds play with toys would be more fun. They don't know the cliches yet and will be more enthusiastic about the process than the adults who made this pile of junk.
